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10 WAYS TO BE COOLER

*10 ways to be cooler * 


 Step One - Don't be a fucking dick. This might sound like a simple task to most people, but believe me and probably everyone - it't not. If you are a decent human being and you are somewhat of an asshole - stop being such an asshole and amazingly your cool status will immediately go up. If you're wondering what constitutes as being a douche, think of taking the closest parking spot at Target when someone is waiting for it patiently with their blinker on. Or maybe not Snap Chatting other peoples boyfriend pictures of your tits... or any body part for that matter. Or being a dick to your waiter or waitress, even the negative passive aggressive comment you dropped on your co-worker is an assholey move - next time take your mother's advice, if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all. 

Step Two - Be social - If you are a reclusive soul and never want to see the light of day, chances are, you aren't very cool. **I said chances so chill out random person who never leaves their house. ** Being social is key to being cool. You must have friends or people to hangout with to be considered cool. No one is going to think you're cool if you can't maintain a friendship or any form of relationship really. So next time your crippling social anxiety creeps up on you, take that Xanax and go to that social event that will make you hella cool.
Some examples of cool social events are: goat yoga, pub runs, pub crawls, hiking with Instagram worthy views, museums made for people to take cute pictures, brunchin', beer festivals, music festivals, actually any festival. This takes me to step three...

Step Three - Pictures - No one is going to think you're cool with blurry and outdated pictures, that is so Myspace era, so 2005. Get your friend with the newest iPhone with portrait mode and go find a filed of flowers or go to one of the social events in step two and take some pictures! The best way to take really lit photos is to fake laugh like you're trying to not hurt someones feelings. Fake laugh so hard to create a seen. *This is not cool* but the pictures you get from it will be cool. Pictures are worth 1,000 words and hopefully if they are good those words will be sent to you in comments via emojis to really let you know how cool that pic of you drinking that organic craft beer with a goat on your back during yoga really is. COOL STATUS one hunded.

Step Four: Sense of humor - Being funny and having a sense of humor are very different. You do not need to be funny to be cool but if you happen to be funny too, it's a perk. Having a sense of humor equates to not having a stick up your ass AKA you can laugh off pretty much anything - which, if you want to be cool, you need to make light of sticky situations sometimes. If someone says something a little off color, as a joke, you need to be able to roll it off your shoulders without resembling a wrinkled prune/ prude and not let it ruin your time. Having a sense of humor will go a long way in becoming cooler and is a vital step.

Step Five: Don't be a Flake - Being flakey is one of the worst qualities someone can have. If you want to be really uncool, then by all means, be a flakey ass hoe. Flakiness is not cool. Repeat after me, "If I want to be cool, I need to stick to the plans so that my cool status stays the same or goes up." Ta-da! Being a reliable fucking human being is the raddest baddest thing you can do.
*It is really simply - make plans, keep plans.

Step Six: Open-mindedness - If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Right? Maybe... I don't know your life. If you want to make lemonade, cool. If you want to use those lemons in your vodka soda, great! If you want to do whatever else you want with those lemons, thats super too! The point that I am trying to make, is that if you have an open mind about things, people, or life, you will be a pretty cool cat. Open-mindedness means having an open mind to things or people in your life that may be a new or different concept than the ones in your own life. To be a cool cat, you will need to get a long with a lot of people in life or not, that's cool  too.  (See, open-mindedness)

Step Seven: Gratefulness - If someone goes out of their way in this crazy, technologically driven, egotistical world to be nice to you or acknowledge your existence - you better be grateful. Gratefulness is one way to being the coolest bloke you know. Being super grateful isn't hard to do. You just need to appreciate the things that people do for you or do towards you! If someone says, "Oh my god! I was at the Olive Garden and this pasta totally reminded me of you!" You should be grateful, someone took the space in their mind to think of you and then think of you again when they told you about it. Super cool!

Step Eight: Positivity - Being a Negative Nancy is not cool. Step eight has potential to be the hardest of all of the steps in this list of 10. Being positive when your life is the hottest mess EVER can be one of the hardest things - but, it is very crucial to being cool. There are so many nicknames for negative people: Negative Nancy, Debbie Downer, Sad Susan, Melancholy Molly, Bitter Betty, Bitchy Barbara, Donald Trump, etc. but how many nicknames are there for positive people? I could think of one: Positive Patty, and I'm not even sure if that is a thing?? Anyway, the moral of step eight is that is if you are negative about everything like you $12.00 fresh pressed juice not being fresh enough, chances are, you aren't very cool - So try being positive for a change! Guaranteed you will be more cool.

Step Nine: Presentation - When trying to up your cool status, how you present yourself will most likely be a factor. If you are trying to be cool to a certain group of people that you really resinate with, maybe try to present yourself to that group in a way that resembles what that group looks/acts like. EXAMPLE: if you are trying to fit in with some chill as hell hippies, maybe don't wear your leather jacket with snake skin boots to hangout with them and maybe don't go up to them like, "What's up homies? How's it mofo hanging?" This presents to them that you are not really conscious of your insensitivities to their style and have a terrible way of greeting people which will most likely make you hella not cool in their eyes. Be mindful when choosing how you present yourself to the world - chances are it will impact your cool status.

Step Ten: Be Yourself, but Better - Step ten is about tying all of the other steps together! Now that you know some things to change about yourself or maybe not change, go out in the world and try to be yourself - the best version of yourself that is! Being cool also means being true to yourself and if you are flat out a terrible person, maybe you need to work on yourself before trying to be cool. In order to be cool, you need to be okay with who you are as a person. If you're still figuring that out, good, you should be - but you should be okay with that too.
*Now go out in this scary ass world and be the coolest bitch out there with your fly as hell self!!! YES! Cheers!


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