Step One: Pick your location - Brunchin' is so god damn hip RN and for good reason. Who doesn't love an excuse to eat your face off and start drinking first thing in the morning?
*Please kindly STFU if you are the kind of person who doesn't like brunch*
The first step is figuring out the place that you will be gracing with your presence for brunch. Here are some guidelines when picking location: must have great food, must have alcoholic options, and must accommodate large groups of basic ass people.
Bonus: if they have a succulent wall, a mural with angel wings, or a brick wall.
If the restaurant can do all of this, viola! You have picked out your location for your magical morning.
Step Two: Pick your crew - Let's be honest, you're going to have ~at least~ one friend get wasted at brunch, so why not all get blackout drunk before noon? If you are going forward with the plan to get hammered, pick out the best crew to do so with.
Here's who needs to be in that crew:
-The mom - the person who is willing to drink the least to watch/ take care of everyone.
-The blackout - as mentioned earlier, there is usually one of those - usually a lightweight or someone who hates their life in general - hence the blackout.
-The fun one - the person who is a fucking blaaaast! They will be the one with all the jokes, and their actually really funny. This person must be at brunch.
-The prude - this person sucks, don't invite them. They will be the one who doesn't drink or participate in fun banter and then they will have to leave early because they have responsibilities (Yuck!)
-The chill (potentially stoned) one- This person is great for brunch, they are chill af and go with the flow. They work as a mediator for any possible conflicts that may occur - which is good.
-The person who only came for the photos - Hmm this person I don't need to explain - you should get the picture. (LOL)
-The Rando - This person is usually a friend or a family member of one of the people there. They will be awkward and they will order the most complicated order of the day - don't worry, you only have to be with them for brunch. (hopefully)
-The rest - these people are wild cards and could potentially be one of the other options too - they also are filler people to help retell the story of brunch for all of eternity. Like I said, wild cards.
Step Three: Pick your Outfit - Now that your know who is going and where you are going, it is time to figure out wtf you are going to wear! YAY! You need to know the first two in order to find an appropriate brunch outfit. You do not want to show up in sweats and a crew neck sweatshirt if you are brunchin' with your boysss and you don't want to show up in high heels if your girls are in sweats. Or if you are a guy you need to know if you need to shower or not, I guess. Coordination is golden - text and snap pics of your 'fit to see what everyone is wearing.
**See previous blog post about presentation of your self**
Once you pick out a super trendy look that probably shows way too much boob, has fringe, highlights your man bun, and has no real clothing function, you are ready for step four!
Step Four: Pick your Seat - This is a tricky sticky step. It literally might be sticky. Anyway, this is a good step because it means you actually made it to brunch - congrats. Now find a seat, this can be hard when you arrive too early because you might get stuck next to people you actually don't want to sit next to... but, if you follow step two and get a good crew, then you should be happy to sit next to anyone. Most likely you will end up next to the rando and the person who brought the rando will be in the prime seat for conversation and you will be pissed - my advice, choose wisely.
Step Five: Pick yo Drank - Line 'em up! Step five is a personal fave. Brunch drinks are delicious! From espresso to bloody marys and all of the champagne dreams in between, picking a brunch beverage should be the easiest step on this list! So cheeeeers to that!
Step Six: Pick your Dish - Anything that has bacon is always a solid option. Eggs Benedict is an obvious first pick. Maybe croissant french toast if you're living your best life. Get something that really gets your day started.
Step Seven: Pick your Drama - You don't want no drama. But, it's brunch so chances are there will be gossip about the latest drama and oh do you want in on the scoop. Get your drink of choice and get settled in for the latest and greatest of who is pregnant now or who secretly is banging your ex. Long live brunch.
Step Eight: Pick your Pics - Brunch was created for it's glamness. Brunch was originated in England so you know it's classy af. Anytime you do anything classy or social - you need to document it with pictures. Pictures of your food, pictures of your drink, pictures of you, pictures of your friends, pictures of the location, boomerangs of you doing a cheers, snapchats of your #eggsbenny. Pick the pic that is the most lit and get to posting it!
*Here are some brunch hashtags for you*
#foodie #sundayfunday #foodgasm #foodstagram #avocado #eggsfordays #brekie
Step Nine: Pick your After Party - What's next? Since brunch was a hit, keep that party going! Maybe go wine tasting, go to the pool, hit up the club, just don't let the party stop.
Step Ten: Brunch Round Dos - Group text immediately after you leave your brunch location or after party and tell everyone how amazing brunch was. Start planning your next brunch and tell everyone you MUST go again soon because it was sooo much fun.
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